I used to ask Scott what he wanted for dinner.
Now, the question I ask is:
“What do you want burned tonight?”
“Spaghetti with meatballs would be fine.”
“If you bring home some cleaned shrimp, I have Alfredo sauce and you can cook it on the grill while I cook some chicken, and we can eat out on the porch.”
“Monday thru Friday, I prefer simple eating.”
This really means he prefers something edible that he doesn't have to cook.
Last week, three meals were either incinerated or poisoned.
I also have a knack for popcorn flambé.
Usually the dogs become the best recipient of meals like these; I pretend that it keeps from wasting food.
If the dogs reject the offering, it’s put in a tripled sealed grocery bag before going into the trash can.
“I think I’ll enroll in culinary school.”
“Why would you want to do that?”
“I can’t even microwave a bag of popcorn and the last three meals I’ve made this week have been awful. I’m still surprised that the dogs will eat the leftovers."
“Where is the nearest culinary school?”
“Morehead City (that’s 26 miles away).”
“Could you just go for a refresher course?”
“I don’t think so...”
The image of the Titanic flashes before my eyes.
Have you burned anything lately? Let me hear all about it at email@example.com.
Keep the fire extinguishers handy.