Monday, April 1, 2013

Sounds like Valentine’s Day

Sometimes I get distracted with all the things I need to do and end up doing things at the last minute. 
Before special holidays or birthdays come around, I spent hours thinking about the perfect gift to give.  

This year’s Valentine’s Day came too fast and I was unprepared.  My last option was to visit Wal-Mart.   Going there showed the desperation I felt; the parking lot is beyond chaos, the lines are excessively long and the selections are always picked over. 

I was determined to buy a card.  I never buy a card- I don’t find just the right one and feel like I’ve wasted too much time.  This year the card would be part of Scott’s gift; he wouldn’t expect it, so great.

I found 2 cardboard kiosks of cards near checkout lane number 52.  In kiosk number 1, the only Valentine ’s Day cards left were to Mother-in-laws.  I went to the other side and saw two funny cards for husbands.  I bent over and instantaneously heard, “Bbbffffffff”.

I popped up thinking, I didn’t fart, so who did? 

Two feet from me, in a shopping cart was a three-year-old boy practicing fart sounds; he made the best whoopee cushion imitation.  The mother realized what happened and said, “Timmy.”  I guess I smiled.  I think she was also looking for the perfect Valentine’s Day card.

I didn’t find what I was looking for, so I went to the second cardboard kiosk.  Again, there were plenty of Mother-in-law cards but nothing else.  I rounded the corner and thought I saw the perfect card.  

I bent down to the bottom tier and as fate would have it, “Bbbfffffff”, made me jump up.  I almost split my pants.  It was the same little boy.  This time, the mother didn’t even notice me or admonish Timmy, and I wasn’t smiling this time.

Enough! I grabbed the card and decided not to stick around for a third pass.

May all your shopping days be “Bbbfffffff”-less.
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  1. I don't remember what the card looked like, but that really didn't matter, because I don't think Scott looked at it anyway. I can't seem to win.