Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Sucking it all out

I’m all for trying to make oneself beautiful: makeup, hair dye and those spandex body suits from the 70’s, but I draw the line with a magic marker against Liposuction.  

Take the word "liposuction."  If you break down the word, you can figure out what it really means. 
Liposuction could be broken down into "lip-o-suction".  
This would indicate that you take lips and suck out something, kind of like siphoning gas, but that would be wrong and I can’t imagine any doctor doing that.

Instead, break down the word again into, lipo-suction. 
“Lipo” refers to fat.  
So in essence, the word means, “fat sucking,” which should not to be confused with sucking down pork rinds. 
It still sounds horrible, but doctors will do this.

Liposuction is the process of sucking out fat in areas that have too much fat, but wish it was somewhere else, in someone else.  When you get fat sucked out, globs of goo are removed by a small tube in a small incision.  In my case, it would take a vacuum hose in a mile-wide gash…

This seems to be a relatively short procedure and for some people there are places on the body that need extra fat, so another incision is made and the fat is deposited in that area.  
The reason that’s successful is that it’s your own fat and your body recognizes it as being home and welcomes it back.   
"Hello Fat!"

Fat is a protective layer that we all need.  It protects the organs from injury and acts as an insulator.  
Living as an Eskimo has fat advantages.   
However, if you’re going to take my fat out, keep it.  I’ve got enough, everywhere, to keep me squishy.

But what happens when the fat is removed and we keep eating cheeseburgers and pork rinds?  
Well, the fat begins to collect in other areas of the body.  
It’s sort of like having new train depots popping up in virgin territory.  
The train used to come in to the old station to dump fat.  
When the train depot and the train tracks are removed, a new train finds new tracks and other depots;  when you remove fat from one place, it goes somewhere else. 

Imagine all the wrong places fat can go.


Because “It Only Happens To Me…” if I had liposuction, the new fat would find a home on my nose, lips and earlobes.  
Then I’d look like Carl Malden, Mick Jagger or Barack Obama.  

No thanks, go suck someone else.


May your days be filled with less sucking.  Write me at aitken.helen@gmail.com

Have a happy...

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