Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Catalogue Queen in Training

People, who know me, know that I am a “hardback snob.” This means that I vehemently prefer a hardback book to a paperback book, and that I don’t like to break the spine of a book; the mark of a true hardback connoisseur.

In spite of my snobbery, I love magazines and catalogues, and getting something in my mailbox.

I love the small ones, the medium sized ones and the over-the-top extra large ones. I read then from cover to cover and promptly recycle them, unless there is something that I must order. Usually I will rip out the page, put it beside my computer, recycle the rest of it and then deliberate on whether I truly need the items.

The process may linger until I see the next catalogue which may have these items on sale. Not only am I a connoisseur of catalogues but I am proud to be a sale-lover as well. As an online shopper, I have graduated to beaucoup catalogues covering various genres.

Eventually the ones that try to sell me cement mixers and dogsled equipment realize I’m not their target audience and give up.

Perhaps like you, my name and address have been sold repeatedly to other magazines; I seem to keep certain catalogue companies in business.

However, I am perplexed by the ones that say, “This may be your last catalogue, if you don’t order soon,” since I’ve never received them before, and would prefer they keep their word in making it the last time I see it.

I’m really not into sleazy nightwear or the toys that go with them. Just saying.

I’ve always admired the “off- the- grid” inventor that delights in the junk mail and catalogues, creating paper logs from to heat their homes for the winter. I would consider this, but I don’t have a fireplace or potbellied stove, but I’m sure I’d keep the house toasty.

In general, I read catalogues in the car while Scott is driving, or in the “reading room.” Although I try not to distract Scott’s driving, I like to share a comical T-shirt logo or stupid pet item. When I’m finished, I drop the catalogue on the backseat’s floor and rely on him to recycle; he doesn’t like picking up after me, but, oh well.

The catalogue bug bit me while visiting my Mother-in-law, Ada; she is to be revered as the “Queen of the Catalogues.” In the past, while visiting her, I would marvel at the plastic boxes of catalogues lining the lower shelves of her office. One would never imagine they would be found in alphabetical order and by genre; clothing, household goods, foods, children’s, gardening and so forth, but it is so. I spent hours perusing little known ones with heightened anticipation. In a very short time, she became my catalogue guru, and I have tried to make it my mission to outdo her.

It never happened. Apparently, I’m still in training.

Today and even after many “remove my name from your list,” instructions, I am still happy to find catalogues in my mailbox. Today, I received 3 magazines and 10 catalogues, and it’s not even Halloween.

Holiday catalogues come next. Woohoo.


I hope the Postal lady still likes me. I think I need to leave her some candy with one of my favorite catalogues.

May all your mailboxes be filled with great catalogues. I'd love to hear what catalogues you like to get; email me at aitken.helen@gmail.com.

1 comment:

  1. My mom was a catalogue junkie. I used to love visiting her just to peruse the catalogs. As much as I enjoyed them, I rarely get any now. I think my favorite was a woodsy, old-fashioned store that's name escapes me. I'' sure you get it, though.

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